Levels of Listening The key to effective communication!

One Monday morning while getting coffee at work, a colleague was telling me about an incident that happened with his daughter over the weekend. At the end of the story he broke out into laughter, he felt bad for his daughter yet couldn’t believe she could get herself in such a situation!

I then look at him and we suddenly both were laughing. I was quick on my feet at that moment as I thought to myself how truly embarrassed I was. I had missed the main point to his story. Why you may ask? Well while listening, I kind of had a feeling of where the story was going and I was distracted by something he had mentioned earlier. Basically, distracted by my inner thoughts about his story.

This wasn’t a particularly proud moment for me both as a person and as a coach. I had realized that I had missed the main point of his story. Feeling too bad to ask him to repeat the last part, I laughed with him and we then moved on to our work assignment as we had a meeting that was starting in a few minutes.

This is a common phenomenon. Often when in conversation we listen, yet we may have that inner voice or inner thought that has us listening but our mind may be in a different place.   We may be interpreting or trying to assess the information while listening.

Listening skills can be pivotal in both our Professional and Personal lives. Listening generally happens at three levels. Human nature often leads us to listen at Level 1 or Level 2.

You may be asking yourself what this means?

Quick example – your son/daughter is asking a question or telling you something as you are quickly respond. You then look to your child and they are truly disappointed as it appears that you completely missed their point!

Level 1 – Internal listening

In this level of listening you are hearing what the person is saying and you are focusing in on your own inner thoughts and interpretations as the speaker is speaking. At this level – often once the person has finished speaking, you have gathered some information and have made an opinion of the story.

Level 2 – Listening to understand

In this level of listening you are focusing completely on the speaker and ensuring that you retain everything that is said. You focus on their words, their expressions their body language while setting aside your own feelings about the matter. By listening at this level you are set aside your personal thoughts and feelings, and truly focus on the speaker.

Level 3 – Global listening

At this level you do everything you would at level 2 with a little more. You pick up more than what is being said. You are picking up from their level of emotion and body language as well as picking up what they are not saying while putting your own judgement and thoughts aside. You are completely focused on the speaker and in a sense you will understand what they are thinking and feeling. This level of listening allows for connection at a deep level.

Conversations both at a professional and personal level can truly shift when we train to listen at this third level!

Next time you are engaged in a conversation either person or professional, take a moment, truly put your thoughts aside and pay attention to all details, body language and emotion. Feel what the person is saying. This SHIFT can truly be a game changer!

Take a moment and imagine the SHIFT this can create in your relationship with your significant other!!

If you like this article and would like to learn more, please reach out to lino@linoplescia.com