Relationships and communication with your children

14 Jun Relationships and communication with your children

The weekend is here, you wake up in the morning and as you make your way to the den your preteen is sitting on the sofa surfing the web, messaging on Snapchat or watching YouTube videos on their iPad. What probably goes on in your head is …

Why can’t kids today do as we did so many years ago?… go out and play

Is there anything else this child will ever do besides staring at a digital device?

What am I doing wrong?

Many parents are in this same struggle. We are in the age of digital information where we are surrounded by teens adults and children living in a state distracted presence. Much of this information is so readily available and it is often hard to put down these devices. Instant gratification is key. I’m sure I am not the first to mention the feeling of that “Dopamine” rush.

As a parent it is important to be able to detect when this is happening in the household and more important try to find a way to see how best we can introduce activities that can be alternate to electronic perusing.

This behavior is more and more common across families in North America. It seems to be the go-to way to pass time and keep entertained.

Although it can be a little difficult, one method is to have “Wi-Fi” breaks maybe once a day in a household. I agree this does sound a little cheesy, but this can be a segue into engaging and meaningful conversation in the family. At first your kids will want nothing to do with this as you are “taking them away” and talking is not cool.. and you may hear many more excuses.

One key element in all this would be to find a conversation point that would be interesting for your child. Something that they are passionate about. Often, the topic will be staring at you straight in the face as it can be something that they spend much of their time doing already. As a parent and a person, you will want to listen more to what your child has to say, rather than do much of the talking.

Once your child realizes that they have your attention the flood gates may open. Often as parents we too get wrapped up in our own day to day electronic life. We too find our gratification through Facebook, Instagram, YouTube or may other forms of content. It is our chance to take breaks and lead by example!

Giving your child that 15 to 20 minutes of undivided attention will begin to create a shift. Authentic conversation will take place. Keep in mind that this does not have to be forced, it must be voluntary from both child and parent

Ok so your child has absolutely no interest in engaging? They are in the middle of a game on the PS4 or in the middle of watching a video stream. What now?

The key would be to tell your child (politely) what you are really feeling in that present moment. Some things not to say: “you never want to talk or you’re always playing on X, you never pay any attention to us”

Conversation starters:

“Name of Child” – I would really like to spend some time with you today. Lately I have been feeling down/or needing some company and love you so much and I feel the need to want to spend time with you for a little, that would make me feel so happy. Would you be willing to spend some time with me? Again – you want to ensure that your request is an ask and not a demand as a demand will most likely be turned down.

This may sound corny… But… An ask, attached with a feeling and an explanation as to why you would like to spend that moment with your child, can open the opportunity for them to find a way to please their mom or dad. (At a minimal cost to them). Often, giving your little one some responsibility can create a true shift.

Actions or contexts in which this can take place:

• A nightly walk after supper
• A sit-down session on the porch to talk about little things
• An offer to go for a walk to get some ice cream.
• Finding a small project, you can work on together.

If you liked this article and would like to learn more, please contact lino@linoplescia.com